Your Child Needs a Good Slap

My children are 22 months apart in age and when they were small the health visitor suggested I burn all the advice books I had surrounded myself with. I was stressed out thinking that I wasn’t getting things right because the book ‘said so’.   A particularly memorable morning was when one of them had climbed on top of the table and wee-d and the other simultaneously missed getting to the potty and poohed on the floor.  I certainly don’t look back at this moment with great relish but do remember laughing and seeing the humour in the situation whilst also  wanting to dial ‘Nanny 911’ for help. It’s also interesting it’s such a strong memory, I would love to go back to this point and give us all a big hug.

The Health Visitor also told me to go with my own intuition and to follow my head and heart. What beautiful advice.

Along the way,  I’ve learned that nobody is perfect, each family is unique, our values sacred to our own heart and home.

 

Another time when my daughter was playing up and not doing as she was told a friend said to me ‘your daughter needs a good slap‘. The words stung me as much as a slap would her.

This moment and more attempts at ‘discipline’ guided me to people and places where I developed a deeper understanding of what creates a feeling of a ‘good enough’ parent where you know you are getting it right despite what your children get up to or your friends say. A feeling of ‘I’m doing what’s in line with my values, my children are well loved, our head and hearts are in the right place and yes we still get on each others nerves and I get it wrong at times but that’s OK, we’re OK’

When I was out in Tanzania I met a beautiful yoga and meditation teacher/soul who said that from a Buddhist perspective my daughter had come to me as a teacher.  From this point my relationship changed with her and I now do look at Ellie as a person to learn from who mirrors my light and shadows.  She is a beautiful, determined, passionate, intelligent and independent soul and she really does have much to teach and I look back and admire her for not always doing what she’s told!

My yoga and meditation friend in Tanzania with my daughter. We met in the Usembero Mountains on a bird spotting walk

We are now far better connected and the cracks in our hearts more healed.

There is more Har-Mum-Me

I’ll write about how we’ve created more connection which didn’t lead to a good slap for both of us another time.

Jane Tyson x

 

 

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School Run Calm – Part 1

School Run Calm

Picture the following scene, is this a typical morning for you –

The children are dressed,  bags are packed, stationery organised, homework complete and filed, healthy and nutritious breakfast eaten, everyone is laughing and talking with their cleaned shiny teeth, polished shoes are on, children are best friends and skip merrily into school, you are the happiest, connected, organised parent on the playground.

For many parents we speak to this simply isn’t the case and that’s OK, the reality is somedays can be frantic and others fantastic.

How can we set ourselves up for the day as we intend to go on? How can we create an organised, connected and calm morning where we all feel positive and set for the day.

Here are my first set of tips –

Try to get up before your family – some Mind Space before the noise, it might just be a quiet cup of tea on the sofa, a meditation, journalling (see previous posts),  yoga, a walk simply in the garden,  other exercise. Whatever it is that gives you some time out before everyone else is up.

Visualise how you would like your morning to go and how you would like to be within the morning – mentally take yourself through the steps the morning school run requires.

Smile at yourself, feel your smile let it radiate out.

Hug Yourself Whilst this next tip sounds a bit weird, strange and maybe uncomfortable to do – give yourself a hug. If you feel good about you this will transmit to your family, shine on you and then shine on them.   Later when they are up you can share your smile and hug with them too.

Affirmations – If you use or write affirmations now is a good time to say and repeat them to create feelings of positivity and to bring you to the present moment, for example you might have some written down like –

I am grateful for…
I just know that something good is going to happen
Today I will be… open and expand my heart to the vibration of calm… peace… positivity…kindness etc
I am organised

Sometimes people say to me that when they get up from doing these morning rituals they start to rush about and loose the positive mindset and sense of calm. It will require concious effort to do sustain it – like all things that are good for us.

Regularly check in with how you feel, put up post-its to remind yourself and even ping messages on your phone – whatever works for you. Over time you will notice yourself more in this great space,  it’s important to create a daily routine and habit to start with.

In my next post I’ll talk about how we can continue to stay in this positive and calm mindset along with other approaches and strategies you can share with your children for a calm, connected, positive and organised school run.

Jane Tyson x

Journalling

On a recent long drive back from York I really enjoyed listening to a CD from the wise Jim Rohn on ‘Journaling’

When I was a child I kept diaries, reading them now they seem very dry and unemotional, maybe I was scared someone would read them. It wasn’t until my 20s that I started collecting quotes and writing more freely, and only in my 40s that I’ve felt more liberated to let it all hang out.

Out in Africa, my son was given a  journal which he enjoys writing and winding down with at night. He loves it and this is largely due to the inspirational person who presented it to him and taught him all the different ways he could use it.

Some of the benefits I’ve found for journaling include – improving mental health, raising self esteem, solving problems and processing grief and loss.

I read Julia Cameron’s book a few years back and did the exercise on Morning Pages, I still do go back to this unconcious way of writing at times. You can google and find out more about this method, essentially it’s – write freely, let it go and don’t think or stop for 3 pages.

These are some of the key points I made in my ‘personal development’ journal from the CD, in no particular order  –

Writing creates a space between you and the problem and in this space solutions have room to grow.
It reduces the strength of fears, worries, anxiety etc.
A personal growth story, a place to document your own growth, a textbook of self discovery and self awareness.
A way to creatively problem solve and make effective decisions.
Most of our personal growth comes as a result of our errors and the problems and we can steps we can take to move forward.
If an idea is worth listening to and reading then it’s worth capturing and writing down.
You are not going to be graded on your journal it is just for you, break any rules you wish to – be it grammar, spellings, pictures, diagrams, write and do what you want in it.
Glue in quotes, clippings, photos, pictures etc
Select a journal that looks and feels right for you, ruled or lined – you are putting your valuable thoughts into it spend money on it if you wish.
Journaling is a space to capture your ideas
Flexibility in life is the key to success
Always look for new ways to facilitate and accommodate new ideas
Develop a journaling habit
How many times do we think ‘oh I must remember that’ so write it down
Keep it close by
Journaling is a way for lots of little ideas to come together much like snowflakes come together to form balls and then snowmen
But what about the things we don’t write, what are the shadows we cast between the lines, do these also reveal who we are, can we learn from these too?
Record the date and time as a reference to look back on
Treat it as an empathetic friend

There are so many things to journal about and of course lots of ideas on the web. Before you search for them though what are your passions, values, dreams, goals, hobbies, interests etc – first make a list that comes from your own head and heart.

Happy Writing.

JT x

Fantastic – it’s nearly school run time!

Are you excited about getting back to school, will you be waking up on the day and leaping joyfully out of bed?

Picture this scene, is this your family –

The children are dressed,  bags are packed, stationery organised, homework complete and filed, healthy and nutritious breakfast eaten, everyone is laughing and talking with their cleaned shiny teeth, polished shoes are on, children are best friends and skip merrily into school, you are the happiest, connected parent on the playground.

Imagine it now, feel it.

Is this real life, can it really happen?

I’m going to share a talk and blog over the next couple of days with some tools, techniques and strategies to help you work towards creating a calm, connected, serene and smug morning!

Watch this space…

JT x