A Random DiaBLOG on Snow Monks

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Half Term Zen

This week during half term,  we visited our friend Yeshe Trinley, a monk at the Kagyu Samye Ling Monestery in Scotland. We were staying with our cousins in Carlisle.  so it was only an hours drive away.

The Monastery really is a hidden gem, and anyone can stay or visit, it’s in the top 10 Scottish visitor attractions. It even has a a lovely coffee shop and free WiFi 🙄 There’s a wonderful selection of events on each month, so tempted by them all.

A Snow Monk

We also went for a beautiful walk with Trinley. I always have a million questions about life, the universe and conciousness and how to create world peace 🤣

Meanwhile, my children and their cousins loved playing in the snow, they were totally engaged for a good couple of hours. They made a snow monk.

And there was me distracted with Trinley learning more about how to meditate and be present and my  teachers are infront of me, already totally peaceful and playful and I’m not properly noticing!

Play is childrens’ natural state, it’s the space they create from.

No Need To Meditate Just Play!

Kids teach us how to be playful and present and we teach them how to to DO!

Notice, Breathe, Play, BE.

We are the light, we just need to remember to switch it on.

Jane x

22829840_280233345714499_856500768659435049_o

Advertisements

Walk Slowly – Random Notes of Wisdom

In 2014 whilst trekking in the Usembero Mountains in Tanzania, I decided I’d like to explore meditation more, so I said out loud: ‘Dear Universe, I’d like to find a meditation mentor please.’  The next morning I was up really early to go on a dawn chorus/bird spotting walk, in these stunning mountains.

shine-from-your-soul

Elizabeth teaching my daughter the art of laying still.

I got chatting to  a lady called Elizabeth from Belize who I’d had a few conversations with back at the huts, and found out she was a Yoga and Meditation teacher. She truly was. She embodied all that was beautiful, peaceful, and kind about the practices and I was very inspired by her.  She gave me direction on where to start and later sent me this poem -.

]Random Note 3.png

I’m creating Random Notes of Wisdom and posting them on my Instagram page #frustrationexpert.

Please do write one of yours in the comments below, and  I’ll make and share one for you.

Jane

Christmas Peace

All is Karma
All is Bright.

A Christmas Calm Post 🙄

In this mornings home yoga practice I set an intention to notice my breathing.
By bringing awareness to our breath we cultivate peace.

random wisley
I was also very aware of the birds chattering.

What will you notice today that brings you to the present moment?

And breathe.

#frustrationexpert

Jane

Competition is a Good Thing… Right?

The Fear of Missing Out

I was in conversations with groups of mums on Wednesday.
They said their kids were attending too many after-school clubs, and sports, and activities and that they were feeling exhausted by the enormous pressure trying to keep on top of it all. Yet, the other Mums seem to manage. They told me that they didn’t want their children to lose out or feel less significant than the other children.

Are we Good Enough?

There appears to be an unwritten rule that has these women compare and compete or else as a parent, they just aren’t good enough.
One Canadian mum was surprised at how early kids in the UK learn to be competitive and the number of clubs on offer that encourages children as young as three to compete and compare! Untitled design (15)
They are still babies. Not yet children. And they are being turned into Mini-Adults.
Really.

Competition is meant to be a good thing. Right? 

Is it?
I have this whole thing going on right now about ‘comparison‘, and now it’s in my mind I am seeing it everywhere, virtually all the time.
Being on Instagram does not help OMG.🤤
#frustrationexpert (13)
My hairdresser was talking about her looming beach holiday and how she is dreading going away with her friend because her friend is so much skinnier and beautiful.
There was no way she is going to sit next to her on the beach!

The Anti Sticker & Reward Chart Teacher/Mum 

And then there is the child who gets a merit at school just for being kind – what about all the others?
Shouldn’t children just be kind, anyway? Will they become like Pavlov’s Dogs and only be kind when they are rewarded?
Or a certificate for ‘good’ work, when they enjoyed intrinsically creating the work and didn’t need a reward for doing so.
For several years, I’ve been harping on about my dislike of stickers and rewards for children, yawn. There are numerous studies to support the effects rewards have on children as a short gain for a longer term pain. As Alfie Kohn, parenting expert says:
The more we want our children to do something, the more counterproductive it it will be to reward them for doing so“.
I’ve also been fascinated by what makes people tick since I graduated in Education and Psychology at The University of Wales in 1994.
Rewards make our children compliant and less likely to create independently again.  Can you truly say reward charts work for you, or did you create a behaviour in your child which meant s/he would only do it for an incentive? Been there, done that. And again it’s a measure of comparison.
 

So for today, Just Notice

For today though, just notice how much you compare yourself and others and what we do.

Catch yourself comparing and listen out for others too.
How is constant comparing healthy for our children? How is it healthy for us!
Do we start comparing  our child from the moment they are conceived?

Is Mindfulness the Answer?

I originally started writing this about mindfulness which the mums and I discussed too, as they were keen for their children to learn it. I keep seeing lots of mindful cards for children in my Facebook newsfeed. I’m qualified to teach yoga and mindfulness to children yet while I see how enormously beneficial they it concerns me there is so much out there now about it when we aren’t addressing what’s at the root of the increase in children’s mental health problems.

Why not let our kids be kids? So they have time to BE kids?

Because that’s their expertise and they are excellent at it.
The point of power is always in the present momentLouise Hay (3)
Doing and Comparing sidetracks us from the main thing where they all score 100% – For being creators.
When we allow them to BE, they just create, and we educators and parents can take a step back.
We find that we really don’t need to do so much. We also need to allow ourselves to BE too.
How we are is far more important and joyful than having to continually do things to satisfy …. What?
Are we in fear of doing nothing?
My advice to all the ‘comparing mums’, including myself:
follow your hearts, your gut feelings, your values. The herd are going the wrong way.
When we are prepared to change our behaviour, the pressure will be lifted from our kid’s shoulders.
We can realistically approach the issues arising because their friends have or do not have XYZ and realise just how ridiculously unfair it all is.
Join me in Guildford on the 11th February where I’ll be discussing this topic further and sharing with you ways we can create ‘Happy Kids’ 
More about our other workshops and meet ups at RandomDialogues

Happy Kids – What’s Resilience Got to Do With It?

Happy Kids – What’s Resilience Got To Do With It? 

Being a parent is the most challenging job any of us will have!   

This session is designed for curious parents who would like to explore ways they can give their child fresh possibilities to adapt to the challenges of life.

In this 3 hour session you will learn ways to – 

  • Teach your child how to adapt to frustrating times. Become their life mentor.
  • Help your child’s learning experience to become easier and more effective 
  • Become aware which parenting styles get the best for you and your children
  • Elicit calm responses with your child when you have to communicate topics which could be stressful 
  • Improve their self esteem
  • Develop enjoyable loving sibling relationships

family dialogues

My workshops respond to the group dyanamic, hence they are ‘flexible’.  Take away your learning, practice and personalise it to suit your family. Come back to learn and practice some more to create together a family that can cope with change, pick themselves up and move on with everyday challenges.

Happy Parents, Happy Kids. 

£50.

The first 3 and repeating customers will enjoy our special rate of £30 

It will be held in Guildford.

Book here 

I also offer one to one programmes and support, and Skype sessions.  

Find me on Linked In –  JaneTyson.co.uk 

I’m a mum, teacher of 20 years in private, public and international settings, have a BA Hons in Education and Psychology. teach meditation and yoga to children and families and have a Life Long Passion in exploring ‘What Makes People Tick’.  

Guildford, Surrey – Book Here

Feedback from my workshops  –

‘Excellent workshop, well structured offering practical advise in an understanding and nurturing environment’

‘I just wanted to say thank you for your great advice during last workshop. Now every time I’m about to react instead of respond I see you tapping your nose and I take a deep breath’.

‘Really enjoyed the workshop and felt like I have some good ideas to remind me to be in the right frame of mind when dealing with my children’s emotions and behaviours’

‘I enjoyed the atmosphere of helping each other, suggestions and reminders’

‘It’s clear that Jane practices what she teaches’

‘A great workshop which helped me to look for ways to create a more peaceful and happy environment with my children’

‘Jane was friendly and informative. Sharing great ideas to make a happier household’

‘Thank you for the inspiration’

‘A very interesting and straight forward approach’

‘Jane was very knowledgeable and enthusiastic and keen to help’

‘The workshop was very interactive with great relevant content’

#frustrationexpert  #randdialevent

 

 

Listening, do we have time?

#antibullyingweek

I was bullied at my primary school for quite a while by a girl in my class. I used to go home with scratches and bruises and she’d verbally abuse me throughout the day.

She had her own problems going on at home and her frustrations were directed at me and others too.

23561458_1714603511904366_6804453772221637549_n

Do you feel like you have a voice?

How has it impacted me? Well it definitely made me stronger and I’m sure I didn’t just sit back and always stay quiet. Upon reflection, nobody at the school ever sat down to listen to us together. It always seemed to get dealt with separately and never seriously, I don’t remember ever receiving support or guidance at school throughout and it always happened when nobody else was in sight that she’d do it.

We weren’t taught to say how we both felt or express ourselves confidently and hear each other. I didn’t really know how to or feel safe nor courageous enough.  She clearly was crying out for help.

This was quite a while back and I know schools have tighter policies and procedures in place now.

Do you have enough courage?

Over the past 20 years teaching, kids have come to me and said ‘oh so and so said this or that’ etc Quite often I’ll say well did you tell them you don’t like it or let them know how you feel? They’ll often say no, they just got used to an adult fixing the problem for them and didn’t have the courage always to stand up for themselves.

We do a lot of role play in class, even with 4 year olds, to express how we feel and what we want.

Adults can make a big difference

In 1998, I was teaching a Year 3 class with a group girls who constantly fell out. In the end I used to invite them in at lunch for 10 minute conversations where I’d facilitate, so they could hear one another and we’d could role play different scenarios and choices. I was surprised at what a difference this made just giving them a space to each be heard with an adult just there for them. It really did improve things, so I continue to use this approach even with my own kids, but they do still have big fall outs it’s the recovery time that interests me, how do we bounce back and move on and learn from things? How can we respond rather than react, we always have a choice.

Oh I haven’t got time for all that 

A while ago, my son had a few weeks of being in trouble, one day where it went really wrong with so many adults being involved and each telling him off. I said to the teacher, well have you actually sat down to listen to what he has to say and just allow him to speak, even if what he has done is wrong, might it be good to look at other ways he could have behaved and coach him a little?

‘Well, I haven’t got time for all that‘ said the teacher.

Listening, do we have time?

Just some Tuesday musings.

randomdialogues.com

Glugs Wine, Listens to Silence

Are you Tuned in?

Just imagine being together as a family and really listening to each other, responding, and emotionally tuning in. Can you hand on heart say you do this, that nobody is distracted by anything else going on? You are truly present and in the moment… ah nice.  Then the kids have a disagreement, it escalates, and it all goes horribly wrong, (keeping it real) and it does, let’s face it.  What do you do in the eye of the storm – mum or dad in the middle?  Is their argument a result of unresolved conflict,which the kids are too upset about and maybe too immature to let go of.  Perhaps, they haven’t had a space to talk about their upset or be listened to?  Does it ever feel just a little like groundhog day?

ear

Decline in Listening Skills 

Research has found a significant decrease in children’s listening skills over the past decade,  can you guess why? I wonder too if this doesn’t apply to adults and sitting together as a family.  I’ve put together a ‘listening’ programme which  I’m sharing with the children and colleagues  I teach alongside  in school.

Meanwhile, parent(s) finishes meal and glugs more wine and enjoys listening to silence, and tunes out. Silent is listen rearranged.

What do you DO after a family UPSET, how does it leave you feeling and what’s that like?

What do you Need?

How do we create time for family connection, spaces to talk to one another and be heard?

Today, just become AWARE of the above.  And Pause. (a previous blog about Pausing) .  I have a photo of an owl, which reminds me to  listen, notice and be wise. Often, I think of the owl when I have a quiet time or meditate. Perhaps imagery will help you too?

janetyson.co.uk (5)

I’ll share listening ideas on my social media page this week. @FrustrationExpert

I hear you

So right now what do you need? What can make family life calmer?

Each month, I’m  creating a regular morning of family connection which will respond to your needs and those of your  family, it will be ‘agile’ and ‘flexible’ and at the moment in Guildford, venue tbc. I hear you.

What do you like best?

What could help you to disconnect from all the busyness of life, to be more present and bonded as a family? Have a read of this link here  and see what you like best about the mornings. Come along with your children to learn some of these simple skills and take them away to use with your family between sessions. You will feel more relaxed, more present to listen and this will filter across family life. Plus they’ll be ongoing support for you between meet ups. If your children prefer not to join you then come by yourself, as I’ll share ideas for you to use at home. 

Seeking Open Hearts & Curious Minds

Please do share this with any family you think would benefit from joining us. I’ve not specified ages, just a willingness to give it a go with an open heart and curious mind.

Jane x

#frustrationexpert